I was on a trip a few weeks back. I could somehow feel the judgment. It didn’t come from other moms. But it came from other kids who were probably saying what the moms were saying to their friends. I didn’t care for it. Sometimes you don’t know what the other mom has going on. Sometimes you don’t know what the other mom has been through. Sometimes you don’t know that the mom is just trying to get through that day.
There was a 12-year span where I lost 5 babies to miscarriage. I had 8 surgeries throughout this time too. During this same 12 year span, I lost my best friend since I was 9 to violence. I lost my brother and then I lost my father. I had 3 little kids during that time. Sometimes as a Mom we’re just trying to put one foot in front of the other. There’s a lot of times I can’t to this day remember things that happened. I think the brain just tries to protect itself during these times.
That mom who just went through all of that may have no help. She may look like she has it together on the inside but she’s just trying to make it to bedtime. Her husband probably works long hours so everything is on her. There’s no grandma who wants to come and take the kids for a half day, a day or even a week. There are no friends dying to let her kids come over and spend the night. There’s no village. Maybe instead of judging, you should think how can I help her. Maybe she needs a friend. Maybe she needs a drink…oh wait now she’s judged for that.
Raising kids is hard. It’s messy and it does take a village. Not everyone has that village. Not everyone has or can afford great help. Sometimes maybe you might be the person tearing a mom down instead of building a mom up. She might need building up worse than any of you and your friends. Maybe just maybe next time reach out to her and offer help, a hand or to see if her child wants to come play. Maybe she needs a half a day off. Maybe you’re her lifeline.
Don’t get me wrong I’ve done it too. I’m not perfect. However, I believe I will think twice about it now. It’s not worth having someone else feel bad about themselves. I too shall try to remember to do better.
Wouldn’t you rather help than hurt? Have you ever felt judged as a mom?
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