You think you’re doing okay and then wham! You’re right back in the middle of it again. I try not to dwell on it too much. I know how depressing it can be. Here’s what I’ve been dealing with. I’ve been off my anti-depressant for about 6 months. I’ve been feeling great. I got through the holidays and wasn’t the least bit sad. Then the last week it’s like it’s been sitting on my shoulders. This weight that you just carry around and can’t put your finger on. I put my finger on it today.
My good friend’s mom died this last week. She reached out to me in the last 2 weeks and I’ve been there for her. We’ve laughed, talked, had lunch and margaritas. It’s been fun. However her sadness is my sadness. The loss of someone just sinks you right back there. All the memories and sadness just comes rushing back out waiting to swallow you whole again. I went to the funeral home today. To be there for her on the day she’s burying her mom. I couldn’t stay. I was crying more than her. She was doing so good and being so strong and I just stood there with tears streaming down my face. Ugh.
I left and felt bad that I wasn’t really there for her. But the memories are sometimes hard to overcome. The tears flowed as I drove home. I actually feel a bit better now. But I’ll never be the young at heart person I used to be. That’s what 5 miscarriages will do. Then the loss of my best friend since the 3rd grade. Then the loss of my brother and finally my dad. All within a 7 year span…that’s a lot for anyone to deal with. I will not stay bogged down. I will get back up and enjoy my life and my children each and everyday. That’s the thing about grief. It comes and goes. It ebbs and flows. But it’s always there waiting to engulf you again.
Wondering about my experiences with grief? If you’ve been with me awhile you might remember. If you’re new to my blog you can check out my other articles. Sometimes you can’t heal what you can’t understand. Miscarriages are hard on the whole family. Ugh it’s my life and it’s got to get better. When someone dies and funerals are a part of life and grief is such a process!