Ugh, It’s my life! It’s got to get better.

My best friend and I at my 30th birthday.

Life is not easy. It never is. Sometimes when you go through tragedies you begin to think that maybe it will get better. It has to right? The reality is, no, it doesn’t have to get better. We hope it does. I have often said that I need no one else to die for the next 10 years. I need a window of opportunity for myself to heal. The reality is my world could change again tomorrow. Dealing with that is almost as hard as realizing that your dad, brother and best friend are gone and will not ever come back. I will not get another day to talk to them. I miss them every day. The reality is it’s my life.

It affects how I raise my children. It affects whether I get a job or not. It affects everything in my life. It’s not easy. Sometimes I think I’m now just scared of everything. I use to not be afraid of anything. Now I don’t really want to take a risk and try to get a different job, finish my masters or do anything.  I’m ok with who I am. But I know I can’t say that the tragedies I’ve experienced haven’t affected me. They have. Greatly.

I watched the Long Island Medium the other day. I actually understood why the families would want her involved so that they can have closure. I’m not asking her to come see me. But I understand where the families who have lost loved ones are coming from by seeking her out. Well, Teresa, Ms. Long Island Medium, you are doing a good thing. It’s rewarding to see how you can uplift and give people closure.

This is my life. I have to accept my many losses (including my 5 babies I’ll get to see when I get to Heaven). I have accepted them. But I’m a work in progress on getting on with my life. For now I just ask for a window of no losses. Please!

Wondering about my experiences with grief? If you’ve been with me awhile you might remember. If you’re new to my blog you can check out my other articles. Sometimes you can’t heal what you can’t understand. Miscarriages are hard on the whole family. Ugh it’s my life and it’s got to get better. When someone dies and funerals are a part of life and grief is such a process!

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  1. michelle warner says:

    i hope and pray that you have a window of no losses, you are alive, try to live it the best you can. (i have no clue how you feel ive never experienced a loss not once but i feel a little reading this post)feel better

    • Thank you Michelle for reading and responding to me. It’s hard but I will get through this too! Have a great week!

  2. First I want to say , I am truly sorry for your loss….. and I will continue to keep you in my prayers……… I have had my own tragedies and yes it seem like every year I am at a funeral. again last month I lost a brother by a hit and run on Halloween night…. it seems it just never stops and I am constant working on healing and forgiving……..

    • TY Dorothy the older we get the more the losses hit us. My maiden name was Boucher. What state are you in?

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