There’s a trial going on in my town right now and it just went to the jury. They decided on 2nd degree murder and 15 years for killing someone and not bothering to even try to get them help. There was talk of this on facebook the other day. A friend of mine couldn’t understand why killing a person only gets them 15 years in jail just because they didn’t intend to stab her repeatedly with a knife. Really, who understands that? What I hate…is that I know the difference between first and second degree murder because I was part of a murder investigation and attended the trial.
You know as your life goes on and you’re without your best friend because of someone’s immaturity and rage you begin to see things differently. It’s little things. This fact stood out to me so much this week. I don’t want to know what the difference is between first and second degree murder. I shouldn’t even have that knowledge…I’m not a lawyer. But I do and I have the anxiety to prove it.
I often think maybe I’m not normal. Then I think of all the things that have happened in my life and wonder how I even leave the house. I cope pretty well. I am normal but I do have higher anxiety then most. Things bother me. I’ve always been an over analyzer, over worrier, over thinker. I mean before I bought a house I had a list of things a mile long that the house had to have. No swimming pool so my children don’t die, couldn’t be close to the interstate so my child won’t be kidnapped and taken out of state, had to have 3 kids so that if 2 of them died I would still have one. Who thinks like this?
People who’ve experienced loss think like this. People who look like me think like this. I. AM. NORMAL. Yeah, I’ll just keep telling myself that!