Sometimes it seems like you can’t heal what you can’t understand.

My bestie and me at my 30th birthday!
My bestie and me at my 30th birthday!

It’s been 4.5 years since my best friend from elementary school was murdered. I still talk about her all the time. I mention her to people who don’t know her and never will. It’s like my mind can’t make sense over what happened. So, I have to talk about it.  It’s not obsessive. But I just find her name coming up at weird times. 

We grasp at straws and blame people for doing things that, in hind sight was stupid, but not a crime. For instance, she had one boyfriend everyone loved. He cheated on her. They broke up and she went on to meet the ex that took her life. Sometimes my mind just thinks if he would have never done that then she’d be here. That accomplishes nothing. He can’t help or correct what he did. And believe me he’d love to go back and do that time in his life over. It’s not fair to him and it doesn’t change what someone else did!

Her mom looked at me and said, “she was only supposed to be here for that time period.” So, even if he’d stayed with her something else would have happened to take her away from us. When you frame it like that it does make it easier to tolerate.  We are constantly striving to make sense out of the nonsense. You just can’t.

This week I was so excited to spend time with her family. We live about 3 miles away and life just gets in the way. We don’t make the time we need to see each other.  I love her family and have such great memories of them growing up. I was always at their house, spending the night, eating dinner and just going to all the parties that they threw.  I miss her so much. I know that there is a reason she was only supposed to be here for a certain amount of time. But I just can’t wrap my mind around the way she left. Domestic violence is a real thing. It can happen to anyone. 

Wondering about my experiences with grief? If you’ve been with me awhile you might remember. If you’re new to my blog you can check out my other articles. Sometimes you can’t heal what you can’t understand. Miscarriages are hard on the whole family. Ugh it’s my life and it’s got to get better. When someone dies and funerals are a part of life and grief is such a process!

4 Replies to “Sometimes it seems like you can’t heal what you can’t understand.”

  1. I’m so sorry, Dina.. how heartbreaking. You’re a brave woman to share the story of your friend! I know that helps give someone else comfort and strength with what they’re facing!

  2. I live in South Carolina which has the dubious distinction of having one of the worst records for domestic violence. You can get 5 years in jail for beating your dog but only 30 days for beating your wife. And our illustrious statesmen can’t even pass a law that takes guns away from people who are convicted of domestic violence….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *