and they stink. I hate them. In the last 5 years I’ve lost my best friend since 3rd grade, my brother and now my father. The worse part of life is death. The aftermath of the death is just as traumatic as the death itself. The people who call that don’t know. The bill collectors that call and do know and don’t care. It all happens. Then there’s the expenses. If you’ve not had to decide what to do with a loved one, it’s not fun and it’s not cheap.
I’m not going to lie, I don’t understand burial. They’re not there. I don’t visit them at the grave site. I just don’t get it. It costs about 11 grand to bury someone. Ridiculous. My dad wanted to be buried. But he left no money to speak of. Honestly, if they’re no longer here do we really think they care? No. Cremation is pricey too. The total cost of the cremation was $2300. That’s crazy. Then the funeral home told us that if we didn’t buy a coffin we couldn’t hold a service there. WHAT? That’s what we were told. So we went about looking for more inexpensive places to hold a memorial service.
We found a local place that normally holds weddings, parties, etc. We were able to rent it for 3 hours for $120. Not bad! We held a simple meet and greet. We did not do a normal funeral. I didn’t want one. We let people come and go as they could. We had pictures to look at of my dad and his favorite band playing softly in the background. Nothing like hearing Zac Brown Band’s “Sic em on a Chicken” at his memorial. But it’s about him and it was what he loved. So why not? Then when our time was over we said a simple prayer and a few words about how our life on Earth is fleeting with a few Bible verses. I thought it was perfect.
I know I’m not the only one to go through this. I just wanted to share what we did. I wanted to let people know you don’t have to do what everyone else does. Whatever you can afford is just fine. Just get through it. There’s no sense in going into debt for the burial that person wanted, if there’s no funds for it. If they’ve left funds designated for that, then, of course, do as they wish.
Have you had an alternative funeral? What did you do?
If you’re just now exploring this, let me tell you I’m sorry you are going through this difficult time but you can get through it!
Wondering about my experiences with grief? If you’ve been with me awhile you might remember. If you’re new to my blog you can check out my other articles. Sometimes you can’t heal what you can’t understand. Miscarriages are hard on the whole family. Ugh it’s my life and it’s got to get better. When someone dies and funerals are a part of life and grief is such a process!
Agreed. Both of my parents had a traditional funeral but it was pricey. Dad died suddenly nd never spoke of death or his wishes, but I knew if I had thrown an expensive funeral he would have haunting kicked my arse. So though still expensive I weent with a cheaper coffin than they were encourging me to go with as well as the cault and what not. I was very lucky his employer purchased and paid to have the gravesite opened (ya think this would be included in the price of purchasing the plot but it isn’t). My mother died a long painful suffering death and she didn’t want an expensive fuss made either. But both services were nice. Now, I have my entire funeral planned and all they gotta do is open up an envelope I have it all in, BUT, truth is…they can do what they want, I’ll be dead, I won’t care…just sayin….:):):)
I don’t understand burials either. We did the same type of service you did for your father, for both my grandparents and they were very nice services. That’s what they would have wanted. For my Grandpa we had his favorite big band music playing, he loved Glenn Miller. At my Grandma’s we had Louis Armstrong who was her favorite, playing. My grandparents didn’t want us to “be sad” which is a lot to ask and we couldn’t help it. I’m still sad that they are gone and they’ve been gone for 12 and 9 years. It gets easier, but you never stop missing them. I’m getting ready to lose my aunt here soon. She’s got hospice taking care of her and they’ve said probably by the end of the week. Everything’s shutting down. So, it’s really sad. It’s hard when you lose someone unexpectedly, but when you know it’s coming in just a matter of days it’s even tougher. She just turned 88 on the 24th. She’s fightin’ it and she is such a trooper. She kinda perked up the other day and wanted to have a dinner party, but you can only fight it for so long. She lives out of state and unfortunately I won’t be able to be at her funeral, because I don’t have anyone to take care of my kitties, but we’re all planning to get together for Thanksgiving. So anyway. I’m very sorry for all of your losses. I can’t believe the prices. It costs more to die than it does to live I think.
Sarah
It was perfect, Dina, just perfect. It felt just right..
Dina, I am so sorry for your losses.. Im sure you did a great job with his funeral and I agree they stink.. to be honest I cant keep myself composed at funerals with all the sadness in the air. I have no idea how I will get through when I lose my parents. I hope you are doing well, sending my thoughts to you and your family. Much love..
Dina,
Thank you for sharing your heart on such a touchy subject at such a heart wrenching time. To say I’m sorry for your loss doesn’t seem quite enough as I re-visit the funerals I’ve had to attend over the years. So many emotions to work through… so very much to think about.
So instead of just saying I’m sorry for your loss, which I am; I will also wish you peace. Take good care of yourself.